The Dangers of a Really Bored God

The Great I AM, the Lord Omnipotent over all the Universe, the most High and Mighty one...you get the general gist here...Elohim was BORED. He had been a God going on a Gajillion years now and was feeling...TIRED. Even the Celestial Sex was starting to get old. Creating worlds without end and having endless creations and knowing everything there was to know was getting stale. At first when he had been exalted, he had much enjoyed it. All the nuances with planet construction and star construction had been really fascinating.

Oh to be able to end it all. Then in his infinite wisdom he remembered that all he had to do to lose his divine Godship was to sin, because no unclean thing could dwell with God. Therefore if he could make himself unclean, why then maybe, just maybe, he wouldn't have to be responsible for the entire freaking universe all the time.

He had an idea. If this didn't get him kicked out, then he didn't know what would.

He motioned for his son Jehovah to come see him, and also Michael.

"See yonder is matter unorganized. We will build a world like the other worlds that we have heretofore created."

"It shall be done Elohim." Jehovah said, "Come Michael Let's us go down."

"We will go down Jehovah."

Jehovah and Michael went off. Now for the next part of his plan.

Later
"Okay, Michael, you will now be called Adam, and Serena here will be called Eve on this new planet called Earth. I am going to take away your memories of living here. Now there is this fruit there I don't want you to eat AT ALL. Oh by the way. Go have lot's of kids."

Off they went. "Ha they won't be able to have kids until they eat the fruit of that tree. They won't know what to do. I have never sent any of my kids down to a planet with so little information as that. The conflict..heh heh. Should get me knocked out of Godship for sure."

Nothing happened.

He then performed an operation on his son Michael with his bare hands and put Serena's spirit in it creating the first woman and called her Eve.

"If this unorthodox horror committed against one of my kids doesn't do it, then nothing will."

Nothing happened.

Then he arbitrarily ruined the Garden by making it so it would produce thorns and briars and wouldn't grow very well.

Nothing.

Then he tricked Lucifier into getting Cain to kill his brother. Nothing.

So he started unleashing disasters of all kinds.

"I am surprised I haven't lost my Godhood yet with all this sinning I've been doing. Maybe if instead of going down and talking to the people directly, I send vague visions to the kookiest guys in the group and command them to write down these vague confusing messages as my will. That should do it."

"Okay now I think I will just kill everyone off with water, and like only let 8 of them survive. Killing ALL of them off on the planet OUGHT to be sin enough to ruin me."

Later...nothing.

"I'll have one of these wackos attempt to sacrifice his son..." Elohim mused, "Nah, better not."

"Maybe sending my 'chosen' people into slavery will do it."
And yet he continued to be God.

"I know! I will have SEX with one of my daughters. I mean that is the most outrageous thing I can do."

Nope.

"There must be something I can do! I know. I will now kill the son I had with that woman, and then blame it all on my 'chosen people' (snicker) Then I will cause the rest of the world to hate and despise them."

"Well that didn't work either. Here I am still in my almighty glory (YAWN). Okay...hmmm. Oh this is too Good."

"Hey Jehovah. I think I am going to kill you off by having one of your disciples betray you." Elohim said to Jehovah/Jesus.

"Um oh."

"But before I do that, I want you to tell them that from now on they need to Eat and Drink your Body SYMBOLICALLY."

"SAY WHAT? Now that is just."

"I'm God, and I command it." Elohim threatened, "Oh and it's not going to be pleasant."

A bit later the voice of Jesus could be heard...

"Father! Father! Why hast thou forsaken ME!"

"I should cease to be God any moment now."

About 1830 years later.

"No one would go for a religion where the premise for salvation is polygamy. Sometime I am so original I almost think being a God is fun again." Eloheim mused.

"Hmmm. Hundreds of Religions honoring me, and they are all so confused. Maybe if I get em so mad at each other."

200 years later.

Elohim watched as nuclear missiles exploded all over the surface of the planet destroying all creatures and creations.

Yet he remained God.

"What do I have to do to get fired?" He was ALL knowing, but he couldn't figure that out. So there was one thing he didn't know, so he actually couldn't be God, so...

He evaporated in a puff of logic along with the rest of the universe.