Adult Themed Haunted House

I was born on October 29, 1972. With my birthday being so close to Halloween, one of the OBVIOUS activities for a few years was to go to one of the many Haunted Houses in the Salt Lake Valley. March of Dimes, Institute of Terror, The Maze, they were all reliable standbys that I could go to every birthday to have people dressed up in different types of makeup trying to scare the bejeebes out of me.

HA! Ghosts, Goblins, Evil Sorcerers are NOTHING. I was thinking it might be more creative and scary to have a REAL place of TERROR for adults. By Adult themed, I don't mean sexually themed either.

Room 1. The Room of Inadequacies : This room would be filled with people who are much better than you at whatever. For those who feel they are not quite on par physically, you would be forced to compare yourself to supermodels for the females, and the guys would be forced to compare themselves to guys like Fabio. You would have it pointed out to you how much weight you have put on since High School, and how much hair you've lost. For those who feel they don't measure up mentally, they would be forced to try and play Jeopardy with Marilyn Vos Savant.

Room 2. The Room Of Keeping Up with the Jones : You would be forced to live next door to someone who has a house twice as big as yours, a newer car than yours, a better looking AND more LOVING spouse than yours. Kids that behave and get better grades than yours, and WOULD ALSO be YOUR BOSS. To make it more fun, at the end of the event, you would receive a pink slip, and your house would be foreclosed on.

Room 3. The Bad Divorce Room : In this room, you would simulate getting divorced, losing custody of all your kids, and your spouse getting everything. At the end you will be given the opportunity to simulate begging for money at a freeway off ramp.

Room 4. The Job Search Room: You get to search for a job when there are no jobs in the field you are trained in. You have to make the skills you have look like they might fit into the job applied for. Then when you do get a job it's at minimum wage...though you have an advanced degree, these were the only people who would hire you. "Welcome to McDonald's" "Would you like fries with that?"

Now we start getting into the REAL terrors of the Adult Themed Haunted House.

Room 5: The Sexually Dysfunctional Room: Stimulates the horror of not being 'up to the job'

Room 6: The You Have A Terminal Illness Room

Room 7: The I've Lost my Kid in The Mall Room

Room 8: The Disobedient Teenager Room: Simulates the experience of having a teenager acting just like you did when you were their age.

Hey! Wait a minute. Some of these things have happened to me and I wasn't in an Adult Themed Haunted House. Wait, what if I am in one right now and I just don't know it?

HELP!!!