Bishop Rood Get's a Job with ONSTAR

Bishop Isaac Milton Rood needed money. The tithing receipts were down because despite his threats and cajoling, members kept moving to other wards, or left the church. (Well actually Bishop Rood thought that NO ONE ever had a legitimate reason for LEAVING the church, so whoever left he made sure that he planted evidence pointing to the idea that they had murdered someone...then once the former member was put in jail for MURDER, well then if their name were removed, he was satisfied)

He started scanning the Want Ads. He did think being a male model might be fun, but after a few interviews, and being laughed right out of the appointment, he decided that he had better try to find some other work.

He saw an ad for an ONSTAR Service rep and decided to go in and apply.

The interview went surprisingly well. His honed skills from years of lying to members in his stake had paid off. Hewas sure he would get a call back.

EXCITING NEWS THE NEXT DAY! He was offered a JOB!

He went through all the dry training, and the procedures, and everything. Had passed the screening tests and was now ready to begin.

"This should be lots of fun, and I should be able to influence people at work to bring them to the true church." Bishop Rood thought.

He sat down at his cubicle and put the headphones on, logged into his computer which would bring up the GPS maps which would locate where the ONSTAR subscriber had the accident, and allow him to immediately send out the ambulance, the police, the SWAT team, whatever. The power to save lives was in his hands.

He got into the network and waited for his first call to come in.

Beep

"ONSTAR, this is Isaac, what is your situation?"
"Yeah..uhh. I've just been in an accident." a guys voice on the other end said. He could see immediately that there was on airbag deployment in Greensboro, NC. His system was pulling up available police and ambulance and 911 services he could dispatch.

"I can send out help to you, but first your going to have to tell me who was at fault." Bishop Rood said.

"Oh my legs, I think I broke my legs. OH GOD!!!." the voice said.

"Fine, but who was at fault?"

"The other guy just pulled right out in front of me, please send some help awwww."

"Shortly. First though, I am going to need to assess what part in this crash YOU were responsible for."

"WHAT? OOOHHHH. I think I'm blacking out...the blood."

"Yes, what part are you responsible for?" Rood asked again.

"HELP PLEASE. I think the guy in the other car is dead...OH GOD. HELP. He just pulled out in front of me man. PLEASE."

"So it wasn't your fault. Were there any unrepented for sins that you had for which GOD may have been punishing you for?" Bishop Rood asked matter of factly.

"Why are you asking me all this? Just send some GOD DAMN HELP!!!"

"Your swearing is not appropriate and is a sin for which you should immediately repent for before you die."

"I think I've lost too much blood. I'm blacking out. OH PLLEEEASSSE."

"Okay, I am going to need your full name and date of birth and your address, and possibly social security number."

"Aren't you going to send any help!" the voice pleaded.

"No. I think you are a lost cause, but if you will give me your information, I can submit the work to an LDS temple for it to be done. Just remember to accept the gospel when you reach the other side. Now your name please?"

"But I AM LDS YOU MORON!!!"

"Have you been faithful and attended the temple like you should and stuff."

"Yes. Now will you send the paramedics!" (sirens could now be heard in the background)

"Oh, your temple worthy? Then what the hell are you complaining about?" Bishop Rood asked.