Bishop Rood Get's Taken to Court

Bishop Isaac Milton Rood was happy and whistling a jonty tune. He had just finished his evening at the church making a poor deacon cry and put him on probation for masturbation, and then he had had illicit sex with one of the Relief Society Counselors. Life was going great.

He drove his 1985 Lincoln Town Car to his home, pulled in, and then checked the mail. A couple bills, and something from the Federal Court System. Probably another jury summons he would have to get out of he bet.

He went in and checked that his dead, but frozen wife was still looking pristine enough to appear to be just sleeping for visitors, and went and sat in his easy chair. He was just about to put in a video that he had made of his neighbors making love via special cameras he had put in their house when they were on vacation, and was thumbing through his bills.

He opened the letter from the courts and was in shock. He had been sued for harrasment by Brother Wilson, who had left the church.

"Brother Wilson has seriously been possessed by the devil and it will be he who pays!" An evil laugh left his throat. Time to watch the neighbors.

Being the guy he was, Bishop Rood figured he could talk himself through anything and would forego hiring a lawyer. The complaintant BROTHER Wilson (as far as Bishop Rood was concerned) was suing him for 1000 dollars to pay for the suffering that he had endured in trying to have his name removed from the Church. As far as Bishop Rood was concerned, Brother Wilson could NEVER leave the church, despite how often the Church itself had told him to stop lovebombing the poor bastard.

He walked in and saw that BROTHER Wilson was sitting in the plaintiff section. He immediately walked over and extended his hand.

"Ah, Brother Wilson, it's so good to see you again. So when are you going to repent like you know you should and start coming back to church?" Bishop Rood asked smiling.

"GO TO HELL!!!" Wilson said.

"I thought you said you didn't believe in God in your letter? Ah you know the Church is true. You have just forgotten what you knew. Why don't you come back and bask in the joy you once knew?" Bishop Rood responded

"Now presiding, the Honorable Joseph B. Stevens." the bailiff said

Rood walked back over to his chair and sat down.

The gavel swung.

"Now in the case of Wilson vs. Rood. If we could have your opening statements.

The lawyer for BROTHER Wilson came forward.

"Yes, Judge Stevens..."

"I OBJECT!!!!" Bishop Rood screamed outloud.

"But he hasn't said anything, so WHAT are you objecting to?" Judge Steven's asked.

"Look JUDGE. You may have civil authority in this court, but I am a common JUDGE in Israel given MY authority by God, which TRUMPS yours! Therefore I SAY that BROTHER WILSON has to endure the harrasment that I have given him and become as a little child, meek, mild, and submissive. He must be willing to do all things that I ask him to do under my authority given to me by God."

The judge would have said something, but just that there with his mouth agape that someone could be like this. However, he could truly sympathize with Bishop Rood.

"Are you LDS Judge Stevens?" Bishop Rood asked.

"Yes, but what does this have to do..." Judge Stevens said.

"Then you realize if you are a TRUE member that my authority over BROTHER Wilson is absolute as long as he lives in the boundaries of MY ward."

"You know, I didn't think of that, but yeah, I guess you're right Bishop Rood. BROTHER Wilson, have you considered moving out of the ward boundaries?"

"YOU HAVE GOT TO BE KIDDING ME!!!" Wilson said.

"If I hear another outburst like that BROTHER Wilson, I will put you into contempt of court. As a member of the LDS Church, I realize that a Bishop is responsible for all people in his area, whether or not they are members. So, even if you have left, which is a local matter, Bishop Rood is still your judge, and I realize he trumps civil authority because I know that the Church is true, and it will be members like me that are working to be put in key positions that will make it possible to run the government when the constitution hangs by a thread."

"OH %&%$%! Are you a F'ckin MORON BISHOP TOO!!???"

"Actually, I'm the Bishop in the Golgamex 3rd Ward."