Bishop Rood Gives A Rousing Talk On Fast Offerings

Today I am going to discuss the way that the Church takes care of those who are less fortunate among us. These are what we might refer to as the Ward's 'white trash'. For example the Millers over in the third row on the lefthand side would fall into that category. (Bishop Rood motions over towards the Millers)

Now, not to mince words, but it takes a lot of money to support the Millers, and Brother Millers cigarette addiction. I have spoke often with him in confidence to try and give up this awful habit. I have also counseled him time and time again to get off his lazy but and go get a job, even if it's at Burger King. Sadly, Brother Miller is one of those guys who will live off the Churches teets for the rest of his life. Peggy (Bishop Rood gestures to wife) you have a lot to bear. If you ever need to come in and have a talk about your situation in private, I'm here for you.

What I am saying is that we are not getting enough in Fast Offerings from the rest of the ward to support people like Brother Miller. We need to actually borrow extra resources from the stake in order to treat my drug habit..I mean..some of the members prescription drug plans.

I am going to now give you a little story on the importance of paying your fast offerings. The other day Brother and Sister Jones who usually sit on the back row with their 3 wild and snotty kids who make it impossible for those in the foyer and the overflow section to hear much.

Where was I? Oh yes, so the Jones come in asking if they could have some financial assistance, 400 dollars to cover the Mortage, because he was going through a job transfer and had been off without pay for a week.

So I said, well that might be possible, but let me check and see what you've been paying for fast offerings. So I looked it up and saw that the Jones had been giving 20 dollars a month. So I said..You have only been giving the Lord 20 dollars a month so he can help people in need, like the millers, and you expect that you could get a loan for 400. I then said that if they had been more diligent in paying more, then they could have the money.

Brother Jones...if you want 400 dollars, then you are going to need to first submit 400 dollars to the Fast Offering fund. This way, I will know that you aren't trying to cheat the Lord. It must be secured.

And this is a testament to me, and to you that you should pay a liberal Fast Offerings, not just the amount from 2 meals from Fasting, but the amount in advance that you foresee needing to borrow from the church against any future loss of income.

I know that this must seem like hard doctrine to some of you, but you know what you can go do with yourselves.

In the name of Jesus Christ, Amen